Insanity

Back to the insanity...

2009-07-14T09:22:00.001-07:00

Back to my insanity... hmphhh... I fell out of love, fell inlove... then out of love... i hate me.

2009-06-02T13:11:00.000-07:00

Jane... jane... jane... mabu-ang na ko....

Who am I?

2009-03-14T09:18:00.000-07:00

Is it hard to believe that a young man who had figured out he liked men, would suddenly turn straight? Believe it for I am a living testament to this grotesque phenomenon. I have been ‘gay’ for over 4 years now and suddenly I meet this girl and I’m in love.
The emotions I’m feeling right now are so mixed up that after watching a gay film I started asking myself questions on why I’m like this. Why have I loved someone so far-out from who I am?
I enjoyed the movie and I felt immensely attached to the characters. Doesn’t this mean I am gay? But why? Why have I fallen so deep in confused love for a girl?
I stopped seeing men when I met her. I quit drinking. I even started quitting cigarettes. This is how intense my feelings are for this girl and the fact that I was at the verge of tears while I was watching the movie, just made the situation a notch more difficult.
I love her, but I might still love the him’s. I’d never want to hurt her. But I reckon if we got together that’s what I’d exactly be doing to her. She is the one thing that matters to me right now and my being ‘gay’ would only tear us apart. What should I do? I’m so lost right now.

Day Dream...

2009-02-12T04:47:00.000-08:00

I wrote this during my math class, and there was a girl across me. She had long black hair and a nice creamy complexion. We’re friends though and we have nothing going on. I just felt it right to write something Heterosexual once in a while, and this girl just inspired me to do so. I didn’t bother listening to our lecture on ellipses and how to graph them. Sorry Sir!

Day Dreaming by insane chemist

The sound of a drill bellowing two floors down, the cool morning breeze caressing my barely awake face, the sunlight – sweet sunlight, against her creamy, pale cheeks, gave me a sense of ease – of comfort.
I watched as her hair fell down her perfectly slender back. I sat there in awe of the goddess seated right in front of me – facing the same board as I was, listening to the same math teacher’s voice as I was.
I felt as if we were connected – related by the minute sameness of the things going on in her moment and in mine.
The drill gave a burst of shrieks; it must have broken down. The class went into a flurry of chit chatters and she turned to me and smiled; a smile unsurpassable in beauty. She beckoned me to lean forward. I did so without hesitation. She asked if I had gotten the hang of translating equations. I said I’ve mastered it last night.
“So you did study.” She said with that smile on her face which seemed to melt away every bad thing in sight. “I studied only because you made me.” I said while smiling the brightest smile I could have mustered. She giggled and a pink blush appeared across her nose.
She didn’t say anything after that, nor did I. We just sort of stared at each other. Smiling.
The teacher saw me drawn too far from my seat. He shot me an accusing look. I jerked back to my seat mechanically; as if that wasn’t the first time I’ve been caught doing that.
She looked at me for the last time and she winked. I returned the gesture biting my lower lip. She almost laughed out loud. I drowned myself in her giggles and laughter.
But the laughter became louder and louder and I felt someone poking me.
I almost jumped out of my seat. I woke up and everyone was giggling and pointing at me. “Sleeping again Mr. Credo?” My Math teacher gave me a stern look.
The bell rang – saved by the bell. Everyone left, including her; my goddess, my soul mate. She left as if not even knowing I existed.
A mental note to self: The mind plays the cruelest tricks in Math class.

Ditched!!!!

2009-02-11T05:53:00.000-08:00

She ditched me... just ditched me...

We had plans to watch the Acoustic Night of the College of Engineering and Design of Silliman University. I called her up before i actually came to the venue and she said she there already and she'd wait for me. (My heart leaped). then just when i was about to trek across the mud smitten pavement towards the place, she came towards me (surprising me) and said her sorries cause she's not gonna be with me that night. She said her dad was picking her up early.

I was hurt, and i didn't spare a second not telling her that, mind you. She unshaken she left. She ditched me.

I have been ditched before, yes. But then this was HER! The girl I am so loony over! What to do...????

Dark Blue Southern Seas entry

2009-02-04T04:42:00.000-08:00

Im sitting down, reviewing my sent items and i've stumbled over that one mail that is ent to this school literature anthology thing. An damn was it laoded with a lota typos. This is so insaNE... HOPE THEY'D CONSIDER!!!!! JORDAN CARNICE PLEASE DON'T MAKE TAPON MY WORK CAUSE OF THE ERROR IN GRAMMAR.!!!

Baby Brother (part 1)

2009-01-28T04:26:00.000-08:00

Warning: This contains erotica and slight pedophilia notions. Don’t read if your just gonna fuck with it. I warned you already.
---->> this is absolutely fresh from the oven... as in i wrote it just now so be kind.

Baby Brother by: insane chemist

He was so cute. God, I'd missed the kid. It was summer and he always had to go to this summer camp retreat for catholic boys. He hated it there and often said he’d rather be hangin’ out with his “adopted big brother” – that’s me. I’m Jake King – 22 years old, Filipino of Chinese descent, sleek slender frame, 5’7”, brown almond shaped eyes. The girls at my school say I’m hot. Whatever. I don’t like girls. I decided I liked boys when I was 12. But nobody knows yet, not even my mom and certainly not my dad. It’s a damn big secret.
His name’s Gino, Gino Garcia. I call him Gigi, which always makes him mad as hell. He was around 10 years old and I was 18, when we met, and he was the baby brother I never had. He had these plump pink lips that whenever he’d pout he’d look like he put on lipstick. He had nice brown hair growing wildly just above his eyes. His smile? Just like an angels – that boy was gonna be a heartbreaker, I kept telling myself. I loved him you know. Just like a brother, like a puppy sometimes that I just wanted him to be around me. He didn’t mind the affection. He always came over when he finished his home work or had a fight with his three older brothers.
It was right after summer when I met the dude. I was cleaning our garage and he just drove his blue bike and stopped over to look at me. I turned to him and he just ran away. Odd kid, I thought to myself. Then He came back. It now seemed he had mustered enough courage to actually talk to me. “Hey mister, my brothers wouldn’t play with me. Do you wanna do something?” it was the cutest thing I’ve ever heard. The kid was asking me out on a date. F course, I knew it was just an innocent cry for companionship. Heck, let me dwell on my exaggerated imagination. So we did, and we became best buds.
And now he’s 14 and readying himself for the last Christian summer he had to endure. He promised he’d send me pictures of himself every week doing all the “crappy things they’d make him do at camp. I just giggled. The cute puppy never grew up, he still had those sweet pink lips and the puppy-like eyes, but then again, he did grow tall, and he did develop such cute buns. Hehehe, what am I saying, he’s my baby brother for cryin’ out loud. Anyway, he went off and I was left alone in the new apartment I settled in to after college and all. I graduated early cause I only took an associate’s degree.
So I cozied myself in the couch turned on the TV and just when I was gonna play some porn, I heard a knock. I fumbled over to the player to turn it off, thinking it must be my paranoid mom who almost everyday checks up on me – she never really got over the fact that I was all grown up.
After the entire mom proofing, which took about five minutes, I rushed to the door to let her in.
It wasn’t my mom.
It was Gino. Sweet adorable Gino had a devilish grin on his face while he said, “Surprise, I skipped camp so I could bunk in with you for the rest of the summer!” I was out of words you know. All I was able to say was “how?”
He explained that he had been planning since spring to come up with a fool proof plan. He begged me not to worry and he reassured me that he wasn’t gonna be a burden. He saved up a lot of lunch money just to have the perfect summer with me. What could I say? I said yes.
So it all started, the perfect summer, with my baby brother in a private apartment. Just him and me. How kinky, no?

~To be continued~

Draco's Heart

2009-01-28T04:06:00.000-08:00

I just recently started readin’ Harry Potter. I really liked it and quite frankly, though I know J.K. Rowling never intended this to happen, but I felt something between Draco and Harry. I felt not, hate, but love – a pure, undeniable gay love that I knew would surpass any Ginny or Pansy or Cho Chang or even any Hermione that’d come into their lives. They had a special bond, a story in an unknown language that just waited to be translated into something beautiful.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters.
Warning: This is slash fanfcition with obvious erotica.

Draco’s Heart by: insane chemist

It was another one of his dreams I guessed. What else could it have been? The great boy who lived plagued with nightmares – pathetic. But then again, who’s more pathetic – him, striding pointlessly along the halls of Hogwarts at night, trying to fight the demons of his slumber, or me, keeping my eyes on him – watching his every move, lurking in the shadows just so I could take a peek at his beauty. I guess, it may be a huge shock to you that Draco Malfoy, the Draco Malfoy, had fallen deep into Harry Potter’s green emerald-like eyes.
I never thought I’d end up gay. But then again, having a Death Eater as a father and an always absent mother, I was bound to end up like Neville Longbottom. That little faggot – I caught him once staring at me while we were at the showers after a game of Quidditch. I didn’t mind though, I’d been doing the same thing to Harry.
So why wouldn’t I just come out? Trust me, if Muggles say it’s hard in there world, it’s harder in ours. Gay wizards were laughed at since time immemorial. Only great old Dumbledore had the right courage to actually proclaim his being a gay wizard. Then again, even if Dumbledore would have said he had a vagina, no one would care. He was Dumbledore – no question, no drama. But me – I would lose everything! From the respect of my Slytherin kin, to the legions of girls who have been begging me to screw them, I would lose them all. That’s why for almost seven years of knowing my sexuality, I have kept it hidden. But tonight, I’m gonna let Draco live. Tonight I was gonna tell Harry the feelings I had for him.
Actually, he didn’t have a nightmare. No. All of it ended months ago. He’s up because of a note. A note I wrote in anonymity. I’ve been writing him notes all these years. I sent them via owl. He never seemed to want to find out who I was. I guess he needed the fun; he needed the mischief, over all he’s been through. But tonight, I was gonna show myself to him. Damn. I was fucking scared. But then again, this maybe the last chance I’d have.
I asked him to meet me by the Whomping willow. It’s the most romantic place I could ever think of. Who could blame me? I’ve never been much of a lover boy have I? Pansy Parkinson you ask? It was all but a sad joke gone astray. I never liked her really. I just needed to show everyone that I was straight. Crabbe had asked me once in his ogre-like tone, “Draco? Why are staring at Harry so deeply?”, It was a non-malicious question he asked after noticing me staring intently at Harry’s cute smile, and those cheeks that seemed to blush all the time. “… just scoping the competition is all”, and he let the topic slide. You understand why I needed a cover?
Anyway, Harry, oh Harry, had now picked up pace. He now walked briskly. He must be excited. I remember once he told me in a note that he seemed to have loved me. I told him he’d freak out if he knew who I was, but all he said was he didn’t care. I dismissed the notion entirely and just went on asking about that Weasly girl, Ginny, but all he said was he had gone for her because he thought he’d never have a chance with me. Sweet huh? Nah.
If only he knew I was his arch enemy, if only he knew that who he was writing to was a Death Eater’s son, if only he knew it was me – Draco, then I bet he wouldn’t have said those words, let alone reply.
But tonight he would find out. Though my sanity was telling me to just let it go, my heart – this absurdly stubborn heart – keeps saying otherwise.
And he arrived, seeing no one, his face didn’t lose the blush. He knew deep inside his heart, that I’d come, and I did.
I walked right towards him. “Harry Potter? What are you doing so late at night in these parts of Hogwarts? Not still dreaming of bad things are we?” I said with the best poker face I could have mustered. “Hullo Draco. My being here, I believe is none of you business.” He said coldly. “Or is it?” I said in a flash. I was shaking like crazy – he must’ve noticed because he inched towards me. And in that moment, his face – his beautiful sheepish face – didn’t show a hint of anger or confusion, it showed… It showed something far prettier. A face I had only seen whenever I see that Granger girl with that Ron Weasley or whenever I see mothers nursing their babies. It was a look of… love.
He inched closer. “Draco?” he said in a calm voice. “I thought you’d never asked me to come see you.” He said and I fell aback. “Huh? What are you talking about Potter? All that fame has definitely gone to your head.” I replied trying to collect my composure. “Draco, I know okay. I’ve always known. Your stares,” He touched my cheeks with his fingers and slowly caressed my face. He then lightly traced my lower lip, “…the times you just followed me around. I knew from the very beginning…” And I noticed he was just inches away from me. I could feel his warm breath. I could see myself in those green eyes of his.
I wasn’t able to say anything after that. But he came closer. “I really do like you Draco. Remember the note I sent you?” I was silent. I turned away and started walking. This must all be a dream. This was not the foul name calling I had expected, the fight I had known would happen. He liked me? Not in a million years, I assured myself. So I just walked away.
But the unthinkable happened. He grabbed my shoulder so tightly that I would’ve fallen if it weren’t for his warm solid chest which my back had leaned on. He wrapped me in his arms and I let him. I turned towards him and looked him in the eyes. Those same green eyes that had captured my soul were now mine for keepers – at least for tonight.
With a gently whisk of his hand, he drew my face nearer to his. He kissed me. It was the sweetest kiss I had ever had in my whole entire life. I kissed back. And he did too, but now, with a little more passion. As his tongue probed my mouth he slipped his hand into my shirt caressing my very entity. I felt my body awaken. My nerves were craving his flesh. I took my shirt off, and I felt the biting cold of the midnight air. But it soon went away after he took off his shirt too and locked me in passionate embrace. Still shackled in a frenzy of licking and kissing, he managed to cast a spell. I couldn’t remember the spell; I was so distracted by the love which had taken physical, very physical, form. He only broke our tongue lashing for a few seconds and before I knew it, we were in the owl tower.
The yellow, spiteful looks on the owls didn’t faze me. I laid myself on the hay covered floor as harry took of his pants, revealing a rock hard bulge which was growing. He took my hands and placed them on his swollen cock. I felt so much heat – lust, in Harry. I wanted to be in him. And I knew he wanted to be in me. So I hastily took off all my garments and while stroking Harry’s throbbing cock, I started licking his nipples. I slowly inched towards his navel. I combed, with my tongue, the little tuft of hair which ran along his belly towards his cock.
Slowly, inch by inch, I savored the boy who lived.

Who is Angelo?

2009-01-25T08:23:00.000-08:00

For those who are wondering who the hell inspired Angelo's fictional character in my short story loving angelo, well, here he is. Guess as much as you want. FYI: His story is gonna be heard, so keep posted.

Draco and Harry Secretly Want To Make Out

2009-01-25T08:16:00.000-08:00

Okay guys, i know it's sorta late to be in the harry potter craze, but with the 6th installment of the movie franchise coming this July, i guess you could say, it's still timely , right? anyway, i was searching youtube.com for cool HP vids and i happen to stumble upon this really badly made video. But it had this really cool song, so i downloaded it anyways with techCrunch.com's downlaoder. I love it it's really dunney and the chords are so easy to figure out.
here are the lyrics:
--------------------------------------------------------------
Draco and Harry Secretly Want To Make Out

Draco Malfoy, what’s your problem?
You’re lookin’ kinda mopey and forlorn this morning
Harry Potter, what’s your deal?
Are you having trouble with the feelings that you feel?
Draco Malfoy, what’s your issue?Do you need a hug or maybe a tissue?
Harry Potter, give us a sign
You can’t commit to Ginny, so what do you have in mind?
Give me three guesses:Is it Professor McGonagall?
Is it Lavender Brown?
No, it’s Draco and Harry sitting in a tree
S-N-O-G-G-I-N-G
It’s Draco and Harry sitting in a tree
F-A-L-L-I-N-G in love
In love
In love
Draco Malfoy, level with me
You used to be so enthralled with Pansy
Harry Potter, don’t be shy
You got no luck with women, so perhaps you need a guy
There’s nothing wrong with it
No, there’s nothing wrong with it
You can move to Massachusetts
Where it will beDraco and Harry sitting in a tree
S-N-O-G-G-I-N-G
It’s Draco and Harry sitting in a tree
F-A-L-L-I-N-G in love
There’s nothing wrong with it
No, there’s nothing wrong with it
No, there’s nothing wrong with it
It’s Draco and Harry sitting in a tree
S-N-O-G-G-I-N-G
It’s Draco and Harry sitting in a tree
S-N-O-G-G-I-N-G
It’s Draco and Harry sitting in a tree
S-N-O-G-G-I-N-G
It’s Draco and Harry sitting in a tree
F-A-L-L-I-N-G
in love
from:http://realwizardrock.com/more-bands/the-whomping-willows/house-of-awesome/draco-and-harry-secretly-want-to-make-out/

Loving Angelo

2009-01-24T23:20:00.000-08:00

Loving Angelo

by the Insane Chemist

I
Love and Lost

The Meeting and the Beginning

A boy with jet black hair sat beside me during one of my dreary classes. I’m Gabriel, by the way, just call me Gabe. So long and trimmed and perfectly shaped to caress his endearing smooth hairless face –endowed with masculine features that show a hint of utter innocence was this boy’s jet black hair. It flowed in angelic harmony with his every motion. It was euphoric just looking at this gorgeous boy.

At that very sight, I, a stone hearted male fell in love. Gay love as some might call it, struck me right in the aorta. Quite frankly, I was so captivated and enthralled by his facial beauty that when he stood up to answer a question raised by the teacher, showing his obscure height, I fell aback. Well, at least his words, so fine and prim, delicately gave me an intellectual orgasm of some sort. I secretly moaned with every syllable that he threw using his lush plump lips, covering such ivory white spectacles of enamel – sheer brilliance. It was sheer homosexual attraction.

And wouldn’t you know, the Fates decided to play. And play they did. He, the black haired one, was a friend of a friend. So, with animalistic instinct I prepared to pounce. I did research, boy did I research! I practically text barraged all my friends who went to the same high school as him. Only to find out that the word perfection was an understatement for this black haired lad. Let me call him by the name Angelo, for his eyes are that of an angel.

He was a devotee, not to religion but to the spirit - to God. He was a Christian or should I say the Christian. This made me laugh for as much as I hate to admit it, he had a lot of the traits my father had – tanned skin, black hair, wit and an affinity to religion. Is this true? Could the psychosomatic rules that govern the emotions of the female mind also apply to homosexuals? A question I can never answer.

He sang, you know, in choirs and in an acoustic band. I grew the habit of attending almost every performance he had. His voice was simply orgasmic. I would have goose pimples all throughout the performance. My heart would just jive with the every note his sweet teen voice hit. I sometimes had to take of my jacket to cover my growing bulge whenever his voice went husky and strong. It was like having sex with music – his music.

Then a thought came to me. Maybe this adoration is simply animalistic in nature. Maybe I was just lusting for this boy. Maybe I just needed Angelo to quench my fleshly desires.
But wait just a minute, come to think of it; he does not strike anyone as a sexual entity. Angelo my darling is not the common eye candy. He had something in him that made me long for him and sure enough it wasn’t his buns. This something in him is giving me this euphoric ecstatic sensation. This child so tender and prime is not to be a lover but was to be a loved one.

The Friendship and the Revelation

I cannot begin to describe to you the feeling that swirled in my heart the very moment we sat down for coffee and became not lovers – though I wished, but friends! He became a confidant. The sweet trusting confidant I secretly lusted for.
I ask you. Was it wrong? Yes, I myself saw the error of it all. And though I battled with my conscience to try and persuade the insaner side of my being to not say anything, I admitted my erotic feelings towards him with fingers and toes and hairs and all appendages crossed. I feared the worst that very moment when I held his hand and was shaking like a wet cat, but his reassuring smile calmed my nerve wracked soul – he did not shut off. He, unlike 99.99 percent of all living men, was not homophobic. He embraced my homosexuality and did not trample me. He understood.
Yet, it was limited only to understanding. I never could enter a relationship with my dear Angelo – this I knew. He was a faithful Christian. And much more importantly he was straight.

The Bible Study and the Tears

I went by for a few months living by every text he sent me. And a time came when again, that lousy character named FATE came to ripple my serenity.
My dear Angelo became good friends with a past acquaintance. A past acquaintance that I have the guilt of being an integral part of his not being accepted to an organization he so dearly aimed for. He was also quite handsome. Both of them, shall I say were quite the Christians.
And with that a catastrophe was bound to occur. And it did.
Utter sadness befell me when they planned a sort of confrontation, in order for me to realize the, dare I say, right path to Godliness.
Is it wrong for me to resists such unorthodox way of evangelism? I was in no way prepared. Did he use my affection towards him to ease me to become like him?
Anyways, it all ended then and there. And a whole new chapter of the love I had for the boy with jet black hair started.
II
Loving Others

The Love and the Curse

Truth be told, I was incapacitated by the fact that he no longer was at my reach. No more can I candidly go near him and hold his hand and touch his hair, no malice - though my heart does imagine things, for there was a ridge that formed on that faithful moment when all fates played against me.
I felt as if I were the beautiful young boy –Ganymede – raped by Zeus. His beauty was a curse, for forever was he to be beside the mighty Zeus. This not said literally. We in no moment had sexual intimacy. Angelo was a dear but not, as I’ve emphasize, not a man you’d want to suck at the very sight. So why do I make such comparison on my behalf with Ganymede? I have to say, I’m not the most beautiful boy you’ll ever lay eyes on. I’m not that sexually stiffening. No.
When we met, Angelo and me, he stole my heart; he raped my soul and forever shackled my mind unto his image. Yes, edgy words for just an infatuation. But edgy is who I am. He did steal my heart. For the brief moments that we had been together, well maybe not “together”, he had enslaved me to forever be cast beside his lingering entity in this dreamland of my mind. This love for this boy, this beautiful love for this beautiful boy, was my curse.

The First Try and the Memory
Yes, I was incapacitated but, not inactive. I had flings left and right – ONS’s every other night. I had my lovers waiting on my call. I was a sexual goddess (if you would permit the term) without him. But have I loved any of the men I had intertwined with? No. Not even one. Don’t get me wrong, I did try - twice actually.
Once was with hmmm… let me just hide him with the nickname, Bong. Bong was fun, athletic and tall, so much taller than my petit Angelo. His cock was also quite – err – should I say, proportional. He was a performer in bed. He did flips and gymnastics I have never known of. Once we did what he called a Norwegian flipside Saddle. Don’t let me describe it, I beg you. Anyway, we had fun. Fun. Fun. And yes, fun. But that was all; he didn’t talk much, moaned yes, talk – no. He was a little light in the noggin if you get my point. But I tried to love him. He said he loved me. I took this as just a formality. He fucked five times that night, he had to say something.

I loved him? Who am I kidding? Of course I didn’t. He was just a game I played to forget Angelo. Bong was handsome, but it was only Angelo’s smile that took my breath away. Bong had a sexy deep voice, but it was Angelo’s peppered words that were able to make me smile. Yes, I compared, who could blame me? I compared him in my head. Everything that Bong did I was sure Angelo could do better and one night I slipped. We were having sex. I was over him, pressing my groin against his thick reddening and swollen cock. I flipped him to let him lay on his back and pushed his legs up. I entered him; he moaned and I shrieked. I moaned and retreated but he grabbed my stiff cock and pulled it into his gaping anus. I let him. He moaned, and moaned and I was so taken away that I was chanting Angelo’s name. Angelo. Angelo - With moaning at every interval. I slipped away into the dreamland, where I was beside Angelo. Only this time - he was naked, on the floor and I was over him.
Bong jerked back. He was shocked. He didn’t know about Angelo. I never told him. Although both our dicks were still hard, we stopped.

He stood up, carried his clothes and left the room. He never called me after that. Damn. Why is life being so unfair to me? Unfair? I know it sounds selfish but then again, maybe I am.

The Boy and the Second Try

Not long after the Bong Affair, I met Karl. 17, sweet, charming, and yes - a virgin (I changed that). He was oh, should I say, passionate. I was his first, he was my nth. I liked his face. It was so smooth – carved like Michelangelo’s David – his lips where heart shaped and his eyes where a crystal blue color, hair – mocha, skin – fair. He was a Swede, studying here in the Philippines for God knows why. We met at a coffee shop. He ordered a Macchiato, I ordered an Espresso – double, the waitress got our orders mixed up and that’s how we started talking. He was still in high school and apparently he had no friends and was lonely. He invited me to watch this corny flick at the theater, I agreed having nothing to do. I almost dozed off during the first parts of the show but just as the leading lady was taking off her bra, Karl kissed me. Damn. Damn. He touched my leg and kissed me again. I froze. I was shocked, not that I didn’t know he was gay, but his pace – everything was moving just too fast. I’d never kiss on the first date. Fuck - yes, but kiss no way. I always reserve my lips for the “ones” who I feel are worthy of my affection.
I pushed him away. I stood up and left the theater. He, of course followed suite. He grabbed my hand, and said his apologies. I didn’t bother listening – just to add to the drama. Then he said the unthinkable. “For heaven’s sake, I’m a virgin”. Damn Karl, the people were looking at us. The gazes of the people were sharp, all I was able to say was “ok” and I simply walked away. He chased me – Geez he was annoying! He was persistent and I was enjoying every moment of it. Finally we were outside, with no one around. So I turned towards him and grabbed his arm towards me. I pushed him to the wall and kissed him. Then, I dragged him to the men’s CR and I pushed him into the last stall. I took of his purple shirt and kissed his bare chest hard; I sucked his nipples while I loosened his belt. All he was able to say during the time was “fuck”. Fuck. Fuck. Yes, I was fucking him. While I was sucking his teenage white cock, I saw him give out I satisfied grin. This was what he wanted all the while, to get fucked by a stranger in a dirty bathroom stall. After he came, I spat, buttoned my shirt, kissed him on the forehead, and left him naked in the bathroom. He was satisfied, I could tell. But this boy was so full of surprises; he chased me before I was able to leave the bathroom and he slipped into my pocket his card and he asked me to call him. What was supposed to be just a simple fuck was turning into something better. I said I never call people I didn’t know . But he gave me a smile and a kiss to boot. I left. And the next day I did called him. We lasted only a couple of weeks. I got bored and I just stopped returning his calls. Good thing I never gave him my address. The problem there was he could never stop tugging on my cock. He was this Catholic School boy who was horny as hell. We never just sat down and talk. It was always about exploring the Gay Kama Sutra; nothing like my innocent Angelo.

Oh my innocent Angelo.

III
The End and the Tears

The Last Meeting

Months went by. My not seeing him caused me to fall into a sort of depression. He was my life. He was the smile on my face. He was the laughter which came out of my lungs. He was the only boy I loved – really, honestly, loved for a long time.

And on one fateful day, I saw him. Alone, with a sigh in his face, he walked at a lonely pace. I wanted to approach him but, my heart didn’t permit me. He was alone on the opposite side of the street. I followed him ten feet behind across the streets. Then, with eyes popping, and cheeks blushing he made a sudden gesture to cross the street.
I heard a horn blow. I closed my eyes as tears built up in them. I heard a bang. All I did was listen as ambulance after ambulance came. As people screamed, I opened my eyes. And in front of me was Lino with bloodshot eyes. He was a very prominent guy on-campus, and days later, I found out he was Angelo’s lover. Angelo, upon seeing Lino, rushed cross the street. A drunk driver, crashed into him. I lost my Angel that day. I lost my life. I lost my self-respect. He was gay after all. I hated Angelo with my guts for not loving me instead, but I sobbed deep down inside for having lost such a beautiful person. When will I meet my next Angelo? I pray soon. I just pray soon.

PROLOGUE

Lino and I became good friends, but not for long. We hooked up and then I figured out why my Angelo was sent head over heels. Lino was funny, sweet, honest and trusting. I felt as if I was with Angelo the while we were together. I did find an Angelo but not in Angelo, I found him in Lino. I still love him, by the way. I still see his smile in my dreams and his laughs still echoes every time I go to the bar he usually sings in. But my heart? It has healed up pretty well. Maybe, just maybe, this was what Angelo wanted –me and Lino, together. Nah.. that’s too dramatic.

2009-01-12T05:43:00.000-08:00

Caress of the Wind
By: M.J.C.

The whisper of the wind soothes my heart's bruises. After another night of hurt and deception, I will again vow to myself that love is a curse I shall forever steer clear of— a vow I know in my heart I shall break.
She was a Carnation. So simple in all its frills— layered in all sense of the word. A Greek goddess incarnate— my beloved was. “My beloved”— is it not such a vindictive term to use on the one who forever took my serenity— the one who had conquered me and had left me to waste? I may sound cruel, but in all faith and honesty, this is me being truthful. I loved her, and she— for a while— had loved me. Sweet harmony— yes, but a week after our 1st anniversary, I saw her in the library —behind the dusty old stacks—making out with some Persian guy who I later found out had also been his boyfriend for the past year. Why call her a Carnation, right? The Carnation is too sweet a flower to be compared to such a venomous woman. It is much more righteous to liken her to a parasitical Bunyan plant— a shy creature that would soon constrict to a sure death the tree that had so tenderly caressed it—the tree that had given it strength against the wind and shade from the treacherous sun.
I am not an evil man, so I will leave the descriptions at that. I was simply hurt, and she was happier than ever. I was in destitution, and she was in ecstasy— in the grip of her lover's arms.
Such a cruel fate, you might think, befell me—an innocent vanguard of love. But distress less, in knowing that I was never truly alone in the perilous times I had encountered. I had a shelter from the storm. I had a shoulder on which I cried. I had a hand that pulled me up even when the world shunned me.
I was always with my most beloved comrade, confidante, and ever cherished friend—Angelo. A sweet Jasmine is what he is; so bright and full of life, scented with hope—a hope I needed almost too often. He was a friend to all; but, alas, no one can ever read the emotions, and the drama etched on his woeful face— except me.
He, on this night of pure sadness is my wind. The gentle breeze that is caressing my wounds is his sweet-measured words.
As he pats my back, I shiver. Memories of me and him together flashes endlessly in my head. Then a stray thought passes. I would be lost to this cruel world if it were not for him. I feel indebted to him… no, that’s not it. I feel something more than just that. Then the stray thought became clearer. Is this I’m feeling, love? Love! Goodness! I’m an ominously straight guy. How can I be in ‘love’ with my dear Angelo? Yes, without him my world would shatter. Yes, without him I breathe no more. Yes, without him my heart would stop beating. Yes, damn it… I love him; I always had. How could I have been so naive? All those moments shared on the warm beach staring at a slowly devoured moon; all those secrets shared, those tiny gestures of care—why have I found out only now?
I draw myself away from him, and he gives me a confused look. I freeze and in an act restraining myself from doing what my heart has secretly been yearning to do, I turn my back on him. He grabs my shoulder; and in an act of submission, I place my hand over his and pull him towards me. I grab both his arms and wrap them around me; and to my surprise, he doesn’t fight back. I turn. He kisses me. We fall silent and not wanting shame to catch up, he walks briskly towards his car and says sorry. He asks if I wanted a lift. I say I love him. He says he felt it from the day we met, when our childish smiles met on that faithful first day of high school. I walk towards him, and I bind him in deep embrace.
Tonight, I make love with the wind.
END

I am not who you say i am!!!!!!!!

2009-01-08T05:28:00.000-08:00

I am not Anonymous Retard!!!! Just want to make that clear...

An interview: I

2008-11-17T07:59:00.000-08:00

Why Blog?

Blogging has always been my way of venting.
Being cooked up in a laboratory saturated with vapors ranging from Hexanol to palin water vapor, one is most likey to be shut up.

Melamine Scare: A Talk on Faulty Chemistry

2008-11-09T06:18:00.000-08:00

There has been a widespread scare regarding the presence of melamine in milk products made from China.
You might be wondering. With the sophisticated technology we have as of the moment, how could a plastics and rubbers component - melamine - not be caught by analyst and quality control officers? Well, ladies and gents, allow me to introduce to you a very crude, unspecific yet widely used means of determining protein content in particular samples. Protein is an organic substance whose major constituent is Nitrogent, and it is Nitrogen that we, man, can measure. Regradless what form of nitrogen is present, the current and, again, the most widely spread/used procedure, would hold assumptions that the nitrogen is of protein.
This is where the light dims.
Melamine is made up of bulky Nitrogen substituents. If added to milk and analyzed, the milk with melamine, would have the effect of having fortified protein content. Which is good for the owners of the company and nad for those who really consume the milk.
So far, it is obvious that the Protein Determiantion Procedure that i have been siting is actually just NITROGEN DETERMINATION or as we chemist call it N-Determination. It involves to parts:
1. Digestion
2. Distillation

Proteins and other nitrogen containg compounds cannot be measured directly. In fact there are very few Nitrogen substances that can be measured/titrated. One very common N-compound is AMMONIA - which is easily titrated with HCl.
So what we chemist do is we DIGEST the sample in hot conc. sulfuric acid, in the presence of a catalyst (mercury, copper, titanitum, selenium). In digestion we actually are converting all the proteins and N-compounds into Ammonium Sulphate, which ionizes into ammonium and Sulphate ions.
Do not be fooled. Ammonia and Ammonium are two different substances, strictly speaking. For one, Ammonium is Acidic, and Ammonia is basic. Thus, you cannot titrate the former.
Thus, inorder to, again ,transform our sample, we distill it with NaOH. Converting out Ammonium into Ammonia - which is now titratable with at most a 0.1 N HCl

Understanding Love - Still

2008-10-18T09:41:00.000-07:00

Wouldn't something that could cause one so much pain be classidied as a"Bad thing"? bad Things should be avoided, as we obviosly have learned through out existence in this nuthouse Earth. It's only natural to avoid the bad things, those things which basically ditract us from our trrue purpose of life - living.
So why do long for it so much?
Why do we knowingly sacrifice for this 'bad thing'? Some even go to the extent of self-mutilation inorder for them to achieve this abstract form of human attraction.

Miss World 2008

2008-10-10T07:57:00.001-07:00

Global Beauties have recently posted the tentative contestants for the Miss World 2008 Beauty pageant to be held at Johannesburg, South Africa this December.

As usual the candidates are grouped into geographic regions and though the list is yet to be completed, I have chosen my picks – which is of course subject to changes as the list is to be completed.

Americas: (the usual countries still are strongest in this region)
*Ecuador
*Bolivia
*Venezuela
*Columbia

Africa: ( the African Continent used to give such strong contestants, but now it seems that the candidates are short on the Queen factor)
*South Africa
*Mauritius
*Angola

Asia and the Pacific: (Kazakhstan and Thailand are amazingly beautiful)
*China
*Thailand
*Philippines
*Kazakhstan
*Korea

Caribbean: (Surprises are in store in this region. I find Dom. Rep as the strongest in facial beauty, but Bahamas might shock us)
*Dominican Rep.
*Trinidad and Tobago
*Puerto Rico
*Bahamas

Europe: (I miss the platinum blonds of Scandinavia, the pale beauties of East Europe and the spicy Mediterranean Goddesses)
*Iceland
*Belarus
*France
*Turkey
*Finland

Dark Horses: (these are those who have a spark in them that they may not readily stand out as the queens but may shock us at the pageant night)
*Belarus
*Turkey
*Bahamas
*Kazakhstan
*Columbia
*Mauritius

I’m guessing this will be a tug between European and Asian contestants. The Latinas aren’t strong this year.

Understanding Love

2008-10-08T06:43:00.001-07:00

Love has been an issue for me nowadays, which is suprising, since i've never considered this crazy abstract idea to be a factor in my existence.

It all started about a year ago. I was minding my own business when Eros and the crazy Fates decided they'd spice up my monotonous life a bit by letting my eyes lay upon the most beautiful creature heaven has ever created. A he or a she? Not telling.

So this angelic being that has been sent to ruin my peace became an obsession. I adored it's eyes. I longed to touch it's lips.

I loved it so much to the point of utter insanity. the chemist who was so acustomed to a life filled with rules and constants, was taken out - out - out of his comfort zone to a land of unpredicatbility, nonsense, folly and lust.

Why?...

Sand and the Sea

2008-10-07T09:15:00.000-07:00

by your truly - me

As I inched my way to the beach, I saw a figure rising from the waters. A man glistening in the sun – unclear - but as he inched towards me, I slowly see his face, his body, his tender lips and subtle eyes.
I turned away after realizing that I, for a whole 5 minutes, was staring at this stranger.
I walked hastily back to my little rented cottage, which I shared with no one.
I gave a last glance at this bronze Adonis under the sun and asked myself, “Will fate be kind enough to let us meet again?”

The symphony of the sea never ceases to amaze me. I come here often to bask in its whimsical melody. The waves bashing the shore with such anger and bitterness and slowly retreats as if caressing the sand with lust and passion, only to come back with more anger and more bitterness – is my only solace form my world of harmony and predictability. Day in and day out is my life but the sea s different, every wave reveals treasures beneath the sand. Every wave is the same as the other but with different vigor, energy and style. The waves the breeze the sun the comforting sounds are my keys to different world. A world with passion and lust, drama and tears – only could be found in the beach.

My name is Lance Reynold Gibbs - accountant and beach fanatic. His name is Jake Garcia – Mexican by birth but he’s been here in the Philippines for more than eight years now. I’m Filipino, not so proud to be one but still am. My surname came from my father’s father, who was an American soldier during the 2nd world war. Benjamin Gibbs, wooed my grandmother and got her pregnant. He left her in the middle of the night leaving my mother alone to raise my father.

Pretty dramatic huh?

Anyway, Jake and I met at the beach and fate brought us together somehow. I like him. Love him, no. He’s one hell of a hottie – true. But my affections for him bordered just there. I find him a good change of scenery, but he never fills me to the brim. He never satisfies me.

So, being as kind as I could be, I ended it. I cried to add to the drama of course. But he just smiled at me. He turned and left.

Blank. I was just blank. I never expected that reaction.

--- to be continued---

Im Back BiOtch!

2008-10-07T09:13:00.000-07:00

ok. i haven't posted anything since June or something. So, to commemorate myrennaissance to the world of blogging. I'd be posting my short stories. here.

insomia 2

2008-07-25T08:08:00.000-07:00

I had Insomia moment 2 yesterday, and now im planning to force myself to sleep thru "tequilizing" my blood....!!!!!!!!!!

The Blogging Insomiac

2008-07-23T11:01:00.000-07:00

2:00 am

This blog is dedicated to the awful experience i call insomia.

I am an insomiac. For so many nights i have wrestled with myself, trying to put myself to sleep.
This awful, awful predicament is irritating and tiresome. Duh, no Sleep! So what am i to do but blog this off.

keep in TOUCH.

Oh yeah. Chem tidbit: biphosphate buffer is the most ideal human body buffer for its buffering range is 6.2-8.2 ph... middle point: 7.2 of buffer = the human bodies' enzymes most proficient and ideal functioning ph environment.

2008-07-11T05:32:00.000-07:00

I guess when i worte the title Insane Chemist, i wasn't that seroius. BUt it seems that the name trully does justice to the enitity whose writing this post.

I recently renamed myself Sebastian, retaining my real surname, Cielo. I worked out this whole new rennaissance of my soul into a rennaissance of my body and mind. THat is why the name changed materialized. I call myself Sebby. ANd it's really cool cause, i'm starting to work it out with my friends who are thinking i'm not that seroius with all this change mumbo jumbo.

Insane huh.

2008-07-07T09:23:00.000-07:00

Chem 4563
Organic Qualitative Analysis
Identifications of Unknowns - Qualitative Elemental Analysis
1.
Qualitative determination of elements present.
There are several quick simple tests which yield considerable useful information as to the
elements that may be present in organic compounds. Remember that all organic compounds will contain
C and H, other commonly found elements will be O, N, S, Halogens and various metals.
a.
Ignition test (pp 32-33 od Shriner)
This simple test will indicate the presence of oxygen atoms, and also the presence of aromatic
rings or metals. A small amount of the unknown is burned in the blue part of a Bunsen Burner flame.
The combustion flame and residue are examined. A blue flame indicates the presence of an oxygen atom
in the unknown. A yellow, sooty flame indicates the presence of aromatic rings leading to the formation
of much unburneed carbon as soot. Look closely at the residue of combustion...a neutral organic
compound will burn completely, whereas an organic slat will leave behind the metal as a crusty residue.
b.
Beilstein Test (Pasto p 319)
The presence of bromine, chlorine or iodine in organic compounds can be detected by the
Beilstein Test. This test depends on the production of a volatile copper halide (CuX
2
) produced when an
organic halide is strongly heated with a copper oxide. The copper halide will give off blue-green light
when excited in the high temperature of a burner flame. This test is extremely sensitive and a positivew
result should always be confirmed by other methods.
2 Cu + O
2
2 CuO
2 CuO + 4 R-X 2 CuX
2
CuX
2
Blue Green Light
heat
heat
heat
c.
Sodium Fusion Test (Shriner pp78-79, Pasto pp 316-321)
This is the most useful test for the presence of N, S, Cl, Br and I. An organic unknown is
degraded under high temperature in the presence of sodium metal. Depending on the elements present
the following sodium salts will be formed: Nitrogen: NaCN, Sulfur: Na
2
S and halogens: NaX (X =
Cl,Br, I). The presence of these salts is then determined by standard inorganic analysis tests.
Tests for Na
2
S
i.
Lead Acetate solution is added to the sodiumfusion test solution. A positive test
for the Sulfur is indicated by the formation of PbS as a black precipitate.
Na
2
S + Pb(OAc)
2
PbS + 2 NaOAc
(ppt)
ii.
Sodium nitroprusside solution is added to the sodium fusion test solution. A
positive test for sulfur is the formation of a blue-violet thio-nitro complex.
Na
2
S + Na
2
[Fe(CN)
5
NO] Na
4
[Fe(CN)
5
NOS]
blue-violet color
Page 2
Tests for NaCN
i.
A p-nitrobenzaldehyde solution is added to the sodium fusion test solution. Then
a basic solution of o-dinitro benzene is added. A positive test for nitrogen is indicated by
the presence of a blue-violet color.
C
H
O
NO
2
Na CN +
Nitrogen
from
Unknown
C
NO
2
O
H
NC
Key intermediate
in the reduction of
o-dinitrobenzene
C
NO
2
O
H
NC
NO
2
NO
2
2 NaOH
N
N
O
O
Blue-Violet Dianion
ii.
A second test the the classic “Prussian Blue” test. The pH of the sodium fusion
test is adjusted to pH 13 by adding 10% NaOH solution. A few drops ;of saturated
ferrous amonium sulfate solution and a few drops of 30% sodium fluoride is added, the
mixture is boiled for 30 sec, and then acidified with 30% H
2
SO
4
until the brownish iron
hydroxides dissolve. If nitrogen is present as CN, a dark blue precipitate of NaFe
2
(CN)
6
will form.
iii.
A third alternative test for the cyanide ion involves the oxidation of benzidine with
cupric ion, a reaction that will not take place in the absence of the cyanide ion. The
cyanide complexes with the cuprous ion so as to increase the oxidation optential of the
system.
H
2
N
NH
2
HN
NH
Blue Color
Cu
+2
CN
-
Tests for NaX (halides)
i.
Cyanide and sulfide anions interfere with this test. If they are present, they must
be removed. To accomplish this, acidify the sodium fusion test solution with dilute nitric
acid and boil for about 2-3 minutes. This will drive off any HCN or H2S which is
formed. When the solution cools, add a few drops of 5% silver n9itrate solution. A
voluminous precipitate indicates the presence of a halide. Silver chloride is white, silver
chloride is off- white and sliver iodide is yelow. Silver chloride will dissolve in conc.
ammonium hydroxide, silver bromide and sliver iodide are insoluble. There are further
tests available to differentiate between the halides.
Read: Shriner. CH 3 pp 31-61 and CH4 pp77-83
Page 3

The Cousins

2008-07-06T01:36:00.000-07:00

I actually do not have any cousins in my father's side who lives in the Philippines. All of them are in the States and just this saturday, two of my cousins came to visit me here in Dumaguete.
It was cool seeing them after 9 years.

They have grown up so fast.

We recalled all our fond memories together when they were still living in Dipolog (a city in Mindanao).

And now, They went back to Dipolog but the fun we had doing karaoke and eating loads of junk still lingers in my mind.

When will we meet again?

In 2010.

2008-07-05T01:24:00.000-07:00

this is my second go in the blogging biz... i hope i'd do this right this time.